shoot me elmo

Creepy!!! A plush toy in the other room just began talking without being squeezed, manipulated or looked at even. The obvious reason: posession. I am going to release the demon via arrow. I am sad I have talking plush toys in my home, but I am glad it made the first move and ok'd me to do my best william tell impression with it. Too bad I am out of apples. C'mere barney, you and big bird hold hands while I flip a coin to see who gets it first.

Post Script
I did not shoot the big bird doll from hell, but I did take him apart very carefully. In doing so I found the light sensor which triggers him to shout "peek-a-boo" In a creepy/effeminate voice. I decided the right thing to do would be to hide him in the ceiling of a co worker's office so he could yell PEEK-A-BOO! directly over her head every time she turned on the light.
She really likes working with me

Office explosion renders one smelly

An explosion in a portsmouth nh office left one worker stinking of skunked beer. No injuries reported. Sources close to the victim report he found 3 kegs on the roadside and was investigating how to remove the valve for a "sanke" type keg. ""I don't know, he gets lots of strange ideas, this seemed pretty normal for mike. We really should have asked where he was going with that flathead screwdriver."Undetered, mike has retained the kegs and hinted at further attempts to tamper with them

Mantra

Lou and I were talking about running a while back. What we do to pass the time while our legs fire away etc. Being as I never listen to music and always run outdoors I have alot of time to daydream and what not. I told him I have a mantra that repeats over and over. Lou was eager to know what it was but I down played it and never really told him what it was. Truth be known, the mantra is a list. About four seperate lists actually. I didn't want to tell him at the time because they make me look incredibly shallow and petty. Listed in no particular order are the lists. Injustices I have endured during my lifetime and the names of people who subjected me to them (this list is long and rambling, you accumulate alot to be mad about in 31 years. espcially if you are shy and overly forgiving). Women I could have had sex with but did not. Women I wanted to have sex with but did not (this is different from the previously mentioned list, some of the listees overlap. I will not name any of the listees lest they read this and say "he never had a shot" or "ewwwwwwwww") Regrets in general. (also an exceedingly long list.)

As I have heard it said "lists tell you as much about the person making the list as the list itself" So that is why I held it back lou. I am fueled by seething. Self needling keeps me moving. Anger and a deep desire to be better than everyone including myself. It sounds horrible here but there it is. Self flagulating is a great motivator though. Warren J Harding (the climber, not the president) has been creditted with some of mountaineerings greatest feats. Some say it is because he had a deep well of anger to pull from. So there you have it

Work V. Weekend

I have been dealing with a strange feeling recently. I think I like the work week better than the weekend. It isn't that I like working. I don't hate it but it is what I do because I like to eat and have a home. I used to crave oodles of free time; I lobbied employers and government to go to a 4 day week. But now I just find the work week almost more relaxing than the weekends. I know home ownership is an on going process but it has become so

consuming that I feel slothful if I am not cleaning, or improving something. Workdays I
am expected to go to the office. I have a legitimate excuse for why I am not straightening
up or entertaining the fam. Responsibility has taken the fun out of unstructured time.
Sleeping at my desk seems more justifiable than a nap at home on sunday. What do you
do with free floating guilt? Do something to deserve it.. ugh, goodnight everyone

Bob Kratchet

What do he and I have in common? Working in a freezer of an office! I came in first this morning to find that we have no heat. It was 43 in my office. Now everyone who knows me must know that I have an affinity for cold so this really insn't a big deal. But I knew it would make office life fun. I have had alot of laughs watching other people trickle in. Secretary: "what the hell? why is it so freaking cold? I can't work like this!" ( which illicited, what's the difference you never work anyway? in my head)

I have kept my vest on and have my fingerless wool gloves for typing. It is awesome. Being as my office is right by the railroad tracks I have debated bringing up a 50 gallon drum and breaking up some pallets, get some heat going the hobo method. What the hell, I already have the gloves. Maybe some mad dog would help.

Snow Plow and Zamboni had a baby! And they named him Mike

Take a 3 foot wide peice of plywood with 2 handles sticking out of it add me on skates as the engine and you have a snow-boni, a zamplow. Whatever I/it/we are it equals a cleared ice skating track and a sore back.

Derby ladies, I think you should come up and give this a try, great training device. It is like skating and trying to push a car at the same time. Kinda reminds me of those dumb tests on world's strongest man competitions.

Post Script:

What do I get for shoveling off a pond to skate? I get gooned, that's what! Split lip, bloody nose. Wheeeeeeeee! 3 hours of work and I ruin it by taking a digger the likes I have never had in 27 years of skating.
While skating backwards my legs kick out and my hands never made it up. Dropping straight to my face. It was one of those hits that happen so fast I had to take a few seconds to figure out why my face hurts so badly. Slip, whack, seeing grey (that was me face down to the ice) taste iron (copious blood), screaming (that would be my neighbor who was watching her son and I skate). Alright I have it pieced together now gotta get my skates off and go home.
At least I still have my teeth, that was the only worry as I picked myself up. I can handle blood, dentists make me nervous.

And I take the ridiculous level up a notch

I like to ice skate. I like to do silly things. Ice skating is rarely silly. I am rarely not. I decided to take skating to a bold new frontier. Ponds are fun, marshes are better. Marshwood middle school near kittery maine lives up to it's name. It has woods it has a marsh, the two intersect neatly. During the past few winters I have noticed that the drainage ceases and the water backs up into the surrounding woods and freezes. Voila!! Pond skating in a forest! Low branches! Full grown trees to zig and zag. I don't know how this will work out but I am certain it will be fun and possibly painful. I will keep you posted.

2/22 Post Script

Went skating and apparently there are alot of springs in this marsh making for spooky clear/ very thin ice. Gliding over and seeing vegetation waving below is a really really bad sign. I never made it to the woods as there were too many thin pockets. I will attempt again this time from a different access point. Second side note: Skating with an ice axe is really fun